Three men were standing in line
to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day,
though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty
close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have
had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has
been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her
red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell
something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where
this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the
balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing,
25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating
on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off.
So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting
hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long,
so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the
bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into
the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it
landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got
to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my
apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my
balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I
fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the
balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long,
when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I
was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the
best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and
started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got
lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when
I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling
out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding from a jealous husband inside his refrigerator..."
| | | |
|
|
Heard the Timbuktu joke?
I remember only bits of it, but I am nothing if not a storyteller so I COULD
make it work. Let me know if you've heard it already though and we can just skip
the work up and go right to the punch line at the bottom!
The joke is about a test at the gates of heaven...
Same deal... heaven is getting full and they need to let
in only the talented and brightest so St Peter decides a task
will be the decided factor for entry. The task? To make up
a poem with the word Timbuktu in it.
The next arrivals are two men who died at the same time
and are the last to get in for the day, and St Peter sets to work
explaining the task. When they are ready... the men think and then
recite what they have come up with to secure their eternal happiness.
The first one starts...
I've sailed amid the oceans blue
From places lost to Timbuktu.
Not bad, say St Peter... and then turns to the
second man where he takes the cue and starts...
"Me and Tim a fishin' went
Saw three women in a tent.
They be three - we be two
I bucked one, Tim bucked two."